


Naruto: The Akatsuki to the Rescue!

by YenGirl



Category: Naruto
Genre: Almost Crack, Gen, Humour, If only scenario, Random - Freeform, frienship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-01-05 02:56:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12181557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YenGirl/pseuds/YenGirl
Summary: When the Leaf Village finds itself in dire need of help, it never expected assistance to come from the least likely source.





	1. The Leaf Village Needs Help!

**Author Notes:**  Hello again, everyone! It's been some time since I wrote something for Naruto, hasn't it? This idea has been kicking around in my head for quite a while now. I'm pretty sure it's been explored before, what with how large the Naruto fanfic pool is, but... on well, enjoy! :)

**General Warnings:**  Crack. Some OOCness. A couple of spoilers for the Akatsuki members, but nothing really earth shattering.

**Rating:**  'T'

**Disclaimer:**  Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

\- Story Start -

Tsunade, Fifth Hokage of the Hidden Leaf Village, was not pleased.

She glared down at the four urgent messages on her desk, each delivered within minutes of the others. Not one of them had good news to report.

No 'Mission successfully accomplished. On the way home'.

No 'Mission on track. Everything according to schedule'.

Not even a 'We await further orders'.

Nope. Each message bore  _bad_  news; reporting on missions gone awry, injured team leaders and all of them requesting urgent backup.

Tsunade placed two manicured thumbs at her temples and dug them in, the frown between her eyes deepening.

Kakashi Hatake - elite jounin, Kakashi the Copy Ninja, Kakashi of the Sharingan - suffering chakra exhaustion after overusing said Sharingan.

Maito Gai - jounin, taijutsu master extraodinaire, wielder of the Eight Inner Gates - also suffering chakra exhaustion after multiple usage of said gates.

Asuma Sarutobi - jounin, wielder of deadly chakra blades, former member of the Twelve Guardian Ninja - stabbed right through the stomach with one of said blades.

Kurenai Yuhi - jounin, genjutsu expert - suffering three fractured ribs, a broken arm and a concussion after falling prey to a genjutsu and stepping off a steep cliff.

All four of them injured out in the field.

While heading their own teams of genin.

On four separate missions.

Tsunade growled.

These were four of the Leaf's best jounin!

They were supposed to be near invincible!

And all those missions were supposed to be C ranked!

What sort of hellish bad luck streak was  _this?_  It was even worse than her gambling one!

"Shizune! Get in here!" she barked.

The sounds of running footsteps was followed by the Hokage's office door slamming open. Shizune rushed in, eyes wide with alarm.

"What is it, milady? Has something happened?"

"Yes!" Narrowed golden eyes pinned Shizune to the spot. "I just received four urgent messages. Teams Seven, Eight, Ten and Gai have all run into trouble."

Shizune gaped at her.

"What?  _All_  of them?"

"Yes! I don't know how, but yes! Put together four backup squads, two with a medic nin and deploy them immediately!"

Shizune looked dismayed.

"But milady, there are no backup squads available! Every active jounin and chunin are already out on other missions!"

'Impossible!" declared Tsunade. "What about Hiashi Hyuga?"

"On a reconnaissance mission."

"Shibi Aburame?"

"On the same mission."

Tsunade blinked, but she was by no means done.

"Tokubetsu-jounin then! Genma Shiranui?"

"Out on a mission."

"Raido Namiashi?"

"On the same mission."

"Aoba Yamashiro?"

"On a T&I mission."

"Ibiki Moreno?"

"On the same mission."

Tsunade huffed.

"Tsume Inuzuka?"

"On a tracking mission."

"Anko Mitarashi?"

"On the same mission."

Tsunade ground her teeth.

"Izumo Kamizuki? Kotetsu Hagane?"

Shizune's eyebrows flew up.

"They're guarding the village gates, milady. And they're... well, they're... chunin." The words 'How can they help' went unsaid, but were implied nonetheless.

Tsunade slumped back in her chair, stunned. Had she really sent  _everyone_  out on missions?

"Who's still around?" she asked in a more subdued tone.

Shizune started ticking off on her fingers.

"Shikaku Nara, Inoichi Yamanaka and Choza Akimichi... but we can't send them out, milady. Not when-"

"I know," Tsunade cut her off. "Not when every other jounin is away."

A minimum number of jounin was required to stay in the village at all times in case of an attack. Besides, those three worked best as a team.

"What about the Anbu?" she asked. "No, never mind. We need them here as well."

"And Master Jiraiya is away," Shizune pointed out unnecessarily.

Tsunade glared at her and nibbled on a manicured fingernai. Things had been pretty quiet of late so she had made it a point to accept as many external missions as she could, deciding it was a good opportunity to fill the village coffers.

Wait.

This meant they could now afford to  _hire_  outside help instead. But she would have to be very, very careful. It wouldn't do for word to get out that the powerful Leaf Village was understaffed, or in other words, vulnerable to an attack.

"Shizune, where's that leaflet on the ninja group for hire I saw last week?"

\- o -

_In a large bungalow somewhere in the Land of Rain..._

The Akatsuki were having their monthly meeting in the dining room. Pein dutifully went through the items in the agenda, but there was precious little to report from anyone, apparent by their glum expressions.

When it was Kakuzu's turn, he thumped a fist on the table, making them all jump.

"Our funds are at an all time low," he growled, light green eyes glaring around the table as if it was everyone's fault.

"I thought we agreed to take on small missions until it was the right time to go after the Tailed Beasts," Pein said and looked at the sulky faces around the table.

"Deidara? Sasori?"

"Hn. I haven't been on a mission for months. I'm bored," complained Deidara, tossing his blond hair out of his eyes.

"We haven't gone on any mission in the past two months," Sasori confirmed, his voice as expressionless as his face.

"Itachi? Kisame?" Pein prompted.

"The same as Deidara and Sasori," Itachi confirmed.

"Samehada's getting just as restless as I am," Kisame added, looking annoyed. "I want some action and he wants some blood."

Pein didn't blink.

"Kakuzu? Hidan?"

"Like I said. Nothing," Kakuzu growled.

"I've been getting the usual sacrifices to appease Jashin, but they're regular civilians," Hidan said.

"Not to mention they don't have any bounties on their heads," Kakuzu grumbled. "Worthless."

Konan frowned.

"Has someone else been taking on all the missions?" she asked.

"If I may."

Everyone turned to look at Zetsu.

"Yes?" Pein prompted.

"I took the liberty of distributing flyers throughout the Five Great Nations last week," Zetsu said in his sing song voice, "offering our skills and expertise for hire."

"Do you want to blow our cover?" Konan looked as shocked as she sounded. "If word got out that the Akatsuki-"

"Oh, please. I used a different name of course," Zetsu said.

"And what name is that?" Pein asked.

" _Yugure._  Dusk."

Pein raised an eyebrow.

"How appropriate," he said dryly, seeing as  _Akatsuki_  meant 'dawn'.

"Isn't it?" Zetsu preened and then he blinked and tipped his head to one side, as if hearing something the others couldn't.

"Oh. Someone wants to hire us."

\- Chapter End -

**A/N:**  Thanks for reading! Worth continuing? :)


	2. The Akatsuki to the Rescue!

**Author Notes:**  Hello everyone! Enjoy the next chapter :)

**General Warnings:**  Crack. Some OOCness. A couple of spoilers for the Akatsuki members, but nothing really earth shattering.

**Rating:**  'T'

**Disclaimer:**  Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

\- Chapter Start -

Everyone sat up at once, looking both hopeful and sceptical except for Sasori whose expression remained unchanged.

" _Someone wants to hire us?_ " Pein repeated. "Who?"

Zetsu shrugged.

"Our prospective clients wish to remain anonymous. All four of them."

"Four clients? Already?"

Zetsu looked affronted.

"My flyers are very well designed, if I do say so myself," he said. "The colours of pink and purple, representing twilight-"

"Yes, yes, I'm sure they are," Pein hastily agreed. "So, we have four clients?"

"Yes. Each of them with a very urgent mission."

"How much are they paying?" Kakuzu wanted to know.

"Ten thousand ryo each."

"That's a pittance!" Kakuzu growled.

"Hardly worth our while, really," Hidan drawled. Pein could see by the gleam in his eyes that he just wanted to rile Kakuzu further.

As Kakuzu ground his teeth together, Pein and Konan exchanged a look before turning back to Zetsu.

"We need to replenish our funds, that's our top priority right now," Pein said. "See if you can get twenty thousand ryo for each mission."

"Consider it done," Zetsu said with a smile.

"We shouldn't wear our Akatsuki robes on these missions," Itachi suggested.

"Good point," Pein agreed.

\- o -

_Half an hour later..._

"No, you can't."

"What? I didn't say a word."

"I know what you're thinking and the answer is no."

Hidan pouted.

"We won't get paid if we don't deliver our clients back to their village safe, sound and alive," Kakuzu reminded him. "That's what Pein said, if you recall."

"Hah!" Hidan stopped walking and swung to Kakuzu, jabbing a finger in his direction. " _That's_  where you're wrong. I was talking about offering their enemies up for sacrifice!"

Kakuzu blinked.

"Fine," he grunted. He didn't care what happened to  _them_  as long as their rescue mission was a success and they got paid.

"So, where are we going?"

Kakuzu shoved a piece of paper at his partner which was predictably ignored.

"You tell me," Hidan said. "I don't have time to read, I'm  _walking._ "

Kakuzu sucked in a deep breath and held onto his fast eroding patience. He would chop off Hidan's head if that would stop the incessant chatter, but it probably wouldn't. And then he would have to waste precious seconds reattaching the head so it wasn't worth it.

"To the Land of Rice Paddies," he replied with exaggerated patience. "We have to find one seriously injured jounin and three genin, and bring all four of them to the rendezvous point near the Land of Fire."

"Boring," Hidan replied. "I hope they have a bunch of enemies to at least make it worth my while."

"It's the reward money that makes it worth our while," Kakuzu corrected even though he knew it was a lost cause.

"Is not," Hidan said at once.

"Is too."

"Is not!"

Kakuzu kept silent.

Hidan pouted again.

\- o -

"A rescue mission?" Deidara rolled his blue eyes. "An assassination mission would be a lot more fun."

"In other words, a chance to blow things up?"

"Of course, Sasori, my man! After all, art is... an explosion!"

"Only you think that."

"It's true," Deidara insisted. "By the way, where are we going?"

"To the Land of Birds. We have to rescue one chakra exhausted jounin and three genin, and bring all four of them to the rendezvous point near the Land of Fire."

"Lame. Can't we blow them up instead?"

Sasori stared at his partner through Hiroko's eyes, wondering for the umpteenth time why on earth had Pein paired them together.

"The point of this mission is to get paid," he growled, "and for that to happen, we have to deliver them unharmed and alive. Well, in the condition we find them in, at least. Pein made that very clear."

"Lame," Deidara repeated. "Can we blow up their enemies instead?"

Sasori sighed.

"If you must," he said. "But don't take too long, you know I don't like to be kept waiting."

Deidara grinned.

"It'll be over before you know it."

\- o -

"Well, well, well, this is a first, Itachi," Kisame remarked.

"What is?"

"Going on a rescue mission."

"Ah. Yes, it is."

Kisame reached up to caress the handle of Samehada.

"Too bad it's not an assassination one, eh?"

Itachi shot him an almost amused look.

"We may have to kill our client's enemies though," he offered with the air of one who knew his partner very well.

Kisame grinned, eyes gleaming with anticipation

"The only highlight of the mission," he agreed and was once again, glad that he was paired with Itachi. "So we're going to the Land of Rivers?"

"Yes, to rescue one chakra exhausted jounin and three genin, and bring all four of them to the rendezvous point near the Land of Fire, safe and sound."

"The Land of Rivers sounds promising, doesn't it?" Kisame asked after a minute.

"I presume you've heard they're well stocked with crabs?" Itachi asked with a tiny hint of a smile.

Kisame hummed contentedly under his breath. Once again, he was glad Pein had paired him with Itachi.

\- o -

Konan glanced at Pein as they moved through the trees.

"Yes, I know. All four missions sound suspiciously similar," Pein replied to her unspoken question. "As is the fact that they came in at the same time."

Konan nodded; Nagato always knew what she was thinking.

"But we need the funds," she said.

"Yes. And since we won't get paid until we deliver our clients safely, that comes first, no matter what. I hope the others remember that."

They didn't speak much after that, jumping from branch to branch with practiced ease. Still, as they continued making their way to the Land of Waterfalls, Konan couldn't help wondering just which village it was that needed their help so badly.

\- Chapter End -

**A/N:**  Thank you for reading! Please review :)


	3. Rescuing Team 10

**Author Notes:**  Hello everyone! Enjoy this next chapter :)

**General Warnings:**  Crack. Some OOCness. A couple of spoilers for the Akatsuki members, but nothing really earth shattering.

**Chapter Warning:** Fighting scenes are not my forte so please don't expect too much. There will be a bit of violence though.

**Rating:**  'T'

**Disclaimer:**  Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

\- Chapter Start –

Hidan and Kakuzu reached the Land of Rice Paddies within two hours. They made their way to the place depicted on the rough hand drawn map attached to their mission scroll.

"And here we are at last," Hidan said cheerfully. "Made good time, don't you think?"

Kakuzu grunted.

"Let's hope they're still alive so we can get paid. Remember, take down their enemies as fast as you can. No toying with them this time."

"You're a spoilsport, Kakuzu, y'know that?"

"No using names either."

They stopped at the edge of a cliff and looked down at the clearing before them.

In front of a small cave were three young ninja in battle ready stances, looking a bit battered but still fierce. Facing them were three adults whose backs were towards Kakuzu and Hidan, their uniforms identifying them as Kumo ninja.

"Whaddaya know, our clients are from the Hidden Leaf," Hidan murmured, purple eyes narrowed at the three genin; in particular, the headband protectors they wore.

Kakuzu shrugged. He didn't care about the Kumo nin – unless they were listed in the bingo books and had a bounty on their heads – or the fact that they were supposed to help the Leaf.

"Give it up already, kids," said one of the Kumo nin. "Your sensei is down. Just let us have him and we'll spare your lives."

He jumped back with a curse as a thick black line shot towards him from the black haired genin whose fingers were shaped in a Rat sign.

"Careful!" barked his comrade. "That's the Shadow Possession Jutsu!"

"We'll never let you have our sensei!" yelled one of the other genin, a girl with long blond hair.

The three Kumo nin laughed derisively.

"Three of us against three of you, but we're jounin and you're just fresh faced genin. Your sensei's at death's door. Might as well collect the bounty on his head, eh?"

Kakuzu inhaled sharply at that. He had wondered earlier if the injured jounin was a valuable one. He squinted at the cave entrance, but the genin were blocking most of it and what he could see was pitch black.

"Remember our mission," said Hidan in his ear, in a sing song voice.

Kakuzu scowled at him. Without a word, he leaped down into the clearing, Hidan following a scant second later. The Kumo nin spun around.

"Hi there. Mind if we join in?" Hidan asked with a charming smile.

The three Kumo nin leaped back, putting them just a couple of feet in front of the shocked genin, making Kakuzu and Hidan curse in unison.

"Get out of the way, kids!" Kakuzu howled, hoping the Kumo nin weren't bright enough to think of taking hostages. He flung out his arms in front of him, hands shooting forth on long grey threads, fingers closing tight around two of the Kumo nins' necks and lifting them off the ground.

Hidan whooped and charged at the third one, his three bladed scythe lashing out. The three genin screamed and dropped to the ground, hands over their heads, the deadly blades flashing above them.

"Are you crazy?" Kakuzu yelled at Hidan. "Don't kill the kids!"

Hidan ignored him, chasing after his quarry who had decided that escape was the best – and only - option right now.

In less than a minute, Kakuzu heard a cry of pain followed by Hidan's wild cackling and nodded to himself. The fight was over and it hadn't even taken two minutes. His fingers tightened around the necks of the wildly struggling ninjas whose faces were turning purple. They were slashing away at the grey threads attached to Kakuzu's hands with their kunai, but no matter how many they cut, more simply took their place. With no change in expression, Kakuzu snapped the two necks in his grip, instantly stopping the struggles and making the three genin flinch.

"I'll be right with you,  _partner_ ," Hidan's voice floated back to him. "Don't leave without me now."

Kakuzu let the two bodies drop to the ground. He didn't think there was a bounty on any of them seeing as how easily he had captured them. He strode past the shell shocked genin and entered the cave, pausing to let his eyes adjust to the dark. It wouldn't do to accidentally step on the jounin's face before he could identify who it was.

"Hey!"

The three genin scrambled to their feet and crowded inside the small cave. Kakuzu paid them no mind, he was staring down in disbelief at the unconscious face of Asuma Sarutobi, jounin of the Leaf and former member of the Guardian Shinobi Twelve.

The price for Sarutobi's head on the black market was  _thirty five million Ryo_.

They had struck gold.

"Hey," said the Nara kid. "Which village are you from?"

"How did you find us?" asked the girl.

"Are you here to rescue us?" asked the chubby boy.

"Yes, through a flyer, and yes," Kakuzu replied. He was glad Pein had reminded them not to wear their forehead protectors or their Akatsuki robes.

\- o -

_Half an hour later…_

Kakuzu knew they made a strange procession. The Nara kid leading the way (and glancing back suspiciously every few seconds), followed by Hidan who was being very well behaved judging by the simpering looks from the blond genin beside him, followed by Kakuzu piggybacking Sarutobi, and finally the chubby boy bringing up the rear.

Sarutobi had a deep gash in his stomach that was still bleeding sluggishly. Kakuzu had treated him, ignoring the three genin crowded around him as he sent healing chakra into the wound before sewing it up. He wouldn't have bothered if not for Pein's explicit instructions.

By the time Hidan came back to the cave, whistling merrily, Kakuzu already had Sarutobi on his back, now ignoring the grateful looks from the genin. He had refused to divulge his or Hidan's names, only that their mission was to escort them safely to a rendezvous point.

If Kakuzu had his way though, it would be to a collection point. He bided his time, letting a few minutes pass before reaching out to Pein via their telepathic connection.

_Pein! Guess what -_

_Kakuzu? I told you none of us were supposed to communicate like this once our missions started._

_Yes, but-_

_It is too dangerous. We could blow our cover._

_Yes, but-_

_Did you run into any danger?_

_No._

_Clients successfully retrieved?_

_Yes, and-_

_That is all I need to know. Proceed with escorting your clients to the rendezvous point as agreed._

_But-_

_Do not contact me again until we meet._

And with that, Pein ended the connection.

Kakuzu growled in frustrated anger, hands clenching into fists. It took every bit of self-control he had to just keep walking when he wanted to throw Sarutobi to the ground and stomp on him. Or maybe Hidan.

He howled a string of obscenities in his mind.

Pein was an idiot! He wouldn't even listen to him!

What was twenty thousand Ryo compared to thirty five million?! It was like comparing a drop of water to the ocean!

The bounty would set them up comfortably for the next few months! For the next year! It wouldn't even matter if the others failed their missions.

Maybe he should -

"Here."

Kakuzu blinked and looked down to see a small beige circle held between a bandaged thumb and forefinger. His eyes followed the fingers to a plump arm, a short sleeved green shirt, and a round face with swirls on each cheek and a serious expression.

"What...?"

"It's a potato chip, barbeque flavour," said the boy with a small smile. "You're carrying our sensei, you'll need to keep your strength up."

Kakuzu blinked and accepted the chip, but only because he was caught by surprise. He turned away and popped it into his mouth.

It  _was_  barbeque flavour.

Crispy.

Salty.

He reached for another chip from the proffered bag.

"Just remember, the last one is mine," said the genin.

Kakuzu just grunted.

\- Chapter End -

**A/N:**  Thanks for reading and we'll get to the other teams soon. Please leave a review :)


	4. Rescuing Team 7

**Author Notes:**  Hello everyone! Enjoy the next chapter :)

**General Warnings:**  Almost crack. Some OOCness. A couple of spoilers for the Akatsuki members, but nothing really earth shattering.

**Chapter Warning:** Fighting scenes are not my forte so please don't expect too much. There will be a bit of violence though.

**Rating:**  'T'

**Disclaimer:**  Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

\- Chapter Start –

Deidara and Sasori reached the Land of Birds and made their way to the place depicted on the rough hand drawn map attached to their mission scroll.

"Almost there, Sasori my man," Deidara said cheerfully.

"Took us long enough," Sasori replied through Hiroko's gruff voice.

They were in a forest with the chirping of what sounded like a hundred birds passing overhead. After following the path of a river for a bit, they came to a waterfall where the water fell in a straight sheet that looked as smooth as glass. In front of the waterfall were three young ninja in battle ready stances, looking wet and tired. Facing them were three adults whose backs were towards Deidara and Sasori, their uniforms identifying them as Hidden Mist ninja.

"Whoa - those kids are from the Hidden Leaf," Deidara said, squinting through long range scope over his left eye.

"Whatever," Sasori replied. "We need to take out the Mist nin first."

"On it." Deidara already had one hand inside the pouch at his side.

"Look, you three," called one of the Mist nin, speaking over the sound of rushing water. "We know your sensei is behind that waterfall, helpless as a babe. Hand over the forbidden scroll, that's all we want."

"Yeah, that and your sensei's head," said his friend with a raucous laugh.

"You'll have to take it from us!" yelled the blond genin. "The scroll, I mean!"

"And you're not getting our sensei either!" yelled the girl with long pink hair plastered to her head.

"Fine with me," sneered the first Mist nin. "Hidden Mist Jutsu!"

Mist rolled in, turning all six of them into shadowy shapes for Deidara and Sasori.

"Fire style: Fireball Jutsu!"

There was a flash of orange, visible even through the mist, followed by a string of curses.

"Watch it! That fireball's from the brat with the Sharingan!"

Deidara inhaled sharply, his hand still busy moulding clay. He knew of three people who had the famed Sharingan. One was Itachi Uchiha, another was Kakashi the Copy Ninja... so was that Fireball user Itachi's younger brother?

"This mist is annoying," Sasori grumbled.

"I'll get rid of it," Deidara muttered. He opened his fist to reveal two small white birds sitting on his palm which he flung towards the waterfall.

"Hn!"

"Wait! Don't kill-"

The clay birds exploded into twin fireballs of orange and red.

"-the kids... are you crazy?!" Sasori barked at him.

The smoke cleared, the mist dissipated, and both the Mist nin and the Leaf genin were staring at them.

Sasori sighed in relief.

"Let's not waste anymore time."

"I get to take down two of them," Deidara insisted.

Sasori ignored him and leaped into the air, his scorpion tail lashing out from behind him. The poisoned tip caught the first Mist nin in the chest, and then the tail whipped back and knocked aside a barrage of kunai from the second Mist nin, nicking him on the cheek at the same time.

"Hey, no fair!" Deidara objected, leaping after the third nin who sent a hail of water bullets at him. Deidara dodged the tiny missiles with ease and leaped at the nin.

There was a gurgling scream as his kunai ripped open his opponent's throat, sending a spray of blood into the air. Turning around, he saw Sasori's victims fall to the ground, groaning in pain.

The fight was over and it hadn't even taken two minutes.

"Lame," Deidara muttered and turned to the three genin who were staring at him and Sasori. The blond had round blue eyes, the girl had round green eyes and the dark haired kid had two Sharingan eyes.

"Hn." Deidara turned away from him, he didn't like those eyes. Too judgmental with no appreciation for his art.

"Who are you two?" asked the Uchiha, his eyes fading to black.

"How did you find us?" asked the girl.

"Are you here to rescue us?" asked the blond. He had whisker marks on both cheeks.

"Never mind that, through a flyer, and yes," Sasori replied, ignoring the moans from his two victims. They would die soon enough.

"Right. Your sensei's behind that waterfall?" Deidara asked, walking towards them. "Chakra exhaustion, right?"

"Wait, who are you?" demanded the Uchiha, but the blond was already waving Deidara closer.

"Kakashi-sensei's unconscious, you know?" he said before going through the water.

The other two genin scowled at each other as if used to their teammate.

"Kakashi Hatake?" Sasori said.

"The famed copy nin. Who'd have guessed, right? I'll go get him," Deidara offered.

"No blowing him up," Sasori reminded him.

"Hn. More's the pity." Deidara disappeared behind the waterfall.

"Blow him up? Hey!" The other two genin hurried after him.

Sasori just waited. He didn't want water to get inside Hiroko, it would be troublesome to get all the parts dry.

\- o -

_Half an hour later…_

Deidara knew they made a strange procession. The Uchiha kid leading the way - and glancing back suspiciously every few seconds - followed by Sasori carrying the barely conscious Hatake on Hiroko's broad back, and then the pink haired girl, and finally, he and the blond kid bringing up the rear.

Hatake was uninjured except for a couple of bruises and total chakra exhaustion. Too bad Kakuzu wasn't in charge of this mission, he would be hightailing it to the nearest collection point to collect the sizable bounty on Hatake's head. Deidara was rather looking forward to telling Kakuzu that later, his reaction was sure to be hilarious!

The genin had pestered them for names, but both Sasori and Deidara refused, only letting them know their mission was to escort the Leaf team safely to a rendezvous point.

"But why can't you two tell us your names?" persisted the blond kid. "I told you mine, I'm Naruto Uzumaki. This is Sakura Haruno and that stuck up one in front is Sasuke Uchiha."

"Don't be so trusting, Naruto," said Sakura with a rather superior air.

"Tell them everything, why don't you?" added the Uchiha rudely.

Naruto glared at both of them.

"Fine, I will!" he declared and turned to Deidara. "Some day, I'm gonna be Hokage!"

Deidara chuckled.

"Are you now? That's a big dream, Naruto. You got what it takes, hn?"

Naruto puffed out his chest and beamed up at him.

"I sure do! You just wait and see!"

Despite his innate scepticism, Deidara found himself nodding. The blond's enthusiasm was rather infectious and well, it was a long walk to the rendezvous point.

"We're gonna be great friends, I know it!" Naruto told him. "We're both blond and have blue eyes... hey, maybe we're related!"

Deidara couldn't help chuckling again.

\- Chapter End -

**A/N:**  Thanks for reading! I was kinda hoping someone would point out the irony of Kakuzu and Hidan being assigned to rescue Asuma's team in the previous chapter :) Anyway, we'll get to the remaining two teams soon. Please leave a review :)


	5. Rescuing Team Gai

**Author Notes:**  Hello again everyone! Enjoy the next chapter :)

 **General Warnings:**  Crack. Some OOCness. A couple of spoilers for the Akatsuki members, but nothing really earth shattering.

 **Chapter Warning:** Fighting scenes are not my forte so please don't expect too much. There will be a bit of violence though.

 **Rating:**  'T'

 **Disclaimer:**  Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

\- Chapter Start –

Itachi and Kisame reached the Land of Rivers and made their way to the place depicted on the hand drawn map attached to their mission scroll.

"Our clients should be just up ahead," Kisame remarked. "We made good time, don't you think?"

"And if we complete our mission quickly, we could have a quick meal before leaving for the rendezvous point," Itachi replied with that tiny smile he seemed to reserve solely for Kisame.

"Their enemies won't know what hit them," Kisame promised, his eyes gleaming.

They followed the path of a fast flowing river, their footsteps silent on the pebble strewn bank. In front of them was a sharp turn and when they peeped around it, they saw three young ninja in battle ready stances in front of a makeshift camp. They looked rather the worse for wear, but alert and fierce. Around them were several bodies. Facing the genin were three adults whose backs were towards Kisame and Itachi.

Itachi inhaled sharply and Kisame glanced at him.

"What is it?" he hissed.

"Our client is the Hidden Leaf," Itachi whispered, dark eyes narrowed.

Kisame squinted at the genin, in particular, at the headband protectors they wore.

"So they are."

"We're wasting time," grumbled the first nin. "Look, your sensei fought like a beast, but he's out cold now. Give us back our loot and we'll spare your lives."

"It's not yours!" shouted the female genin with dark brown hair styled in two buns on either side of her head. She held two handfuls of shuriken at the ready.

"Tenten is right. The money belongs to the villagers you stole from!" shouted her teammate, dressed in a green jumpsuit with his headband protector tied around his waist.

"Hyah!" Tenten flung her shuriken, but although her aim was perfect, the enemy nin deflected the missiles easily.

Kisame stepped out, one hand reaching for Samehada.

"I have a better suggestion. Why don't you give  _us_  the money instead?" he asked, flashing his pointy teeth in a feral grin.

The six ninja whipped around and stared at them. All three adult nin had a slash across their headband protectors, identifying them as rogue nin from Suna.

"Who're you?" demanded the third genin. He was taller than the other two with long, dark brown hair and the pale distinctive eyes of a Hyuga.

The first Suna nin cursed and leaped for Tenten, hand reaching out to grab her arm. An instant later, a kunai embedded itself in the back of his hand.

"Ahh!" He spun around only to get another kunai in his throat and a third one between his eyes, all thrown in rapid fire succession. As he fell to the ground, his other two teammates backed away from Itachi who held another three kunai in his other hand.

"You've had your turn," Kisame said. "The other two are mine."

"As you wish," Itachi replied.

Cackling, Kisame leaped at the other two Suna, Samehada lashing out. The Hyuga stepped in front of his two teammates at once, adopting a protective stance.

"Be careful," Itachi called. "Don't hurt the kids."

"Of course not."

In less than two minutes, the ground was splashed with blood and Samehada was licking its lips. Kisame went over to Itachi who was crouched down beside a figure dressed in a green jumpsuit - the Leaf jounin, Kisame guessed. The three genin knelt on the other side of their sensei, watching anxiously.

"Who are you two?" demanded the kid in the green jumpsuit, eyes darting between Itachi and Kisame.

"Are you here to rescue us?" asked Tenten.

"Tell us your names," insisted the Hyuga.

"Not important, yes and no," Kisame replied before turning to Itachi. "How is he?"

Itachi stood up, his face expressionless as always.

"Complete chakra exhaustion, but apart from a few bruises, he's fine."

"One of the weaker jounins, eh?" Kisame sneered and had to take a quick step back. The boy in the green jumpsuit – which come to think of it, looked very similar to his sensei's - was standing right in front of him, glaring up with two thick eyebrows drawn into a fierce frown.

"Gai-sensei is the strongest jounin in the Leaf!" he declared, puffing out his chest with pride. "It was our fault he overused his inner gates! He is  _not_  weak!"

"Is that so?" Kisame asked. "Well, maybe-"

"That's enough," Itachi said quietly, putting a hand on Kisame's shoulder.

"Spoilsport," grumbled Kisame.

"I insist you take back those words-"

"Enough, Lee." The Hyuga put a hand on his teammate's shoulder before giving a slight bow to Itachi. "We are grateful for both your assistance. We can manage on our own now."

"And how about your sensei?" Itachi asked in a neutral tone. "He's unable to walk and you three look exhausted."

"We're fine," Lee insisted although he looked a bit unsure now.

"We can't carry Gai-sensei by ourselves, Lee," said Tenten with a sigh. She looked at the Hyuga. "Neji?"

Neji sighed as well.

"What do you suggest?" he asked Itachi.

"Let's wait half an hour and see how he is by then," Itachi suggested.

"Time for lunch!" Kisame rubbed his hands together, good humour restored. "Keep that fire going, kids. I'll be back soon."

Forty five minutes and an unexpectedly delicious meal of freshly caught and grilled seafood later, thanks to Kisame and Itachi, all five of them were in a good mood. The only exception was Gai who hadn't woken up, not even when Lee waved a grilled clam under his nose.

"Time to go," Itachi said. "Bring the loot along, I'm sure your Hokage will see that it's given back to your clients."

"More's the pity," Kisame murmured.

"But Gai-sensei isn't awake yet," Lee said anxiously. "We can't leave him behind!"

He looked at Tenten, who looked at Neji, who looked at Itachi.

"No one is leaving anybody behind," Itachi said and turned to Kisame with an unspoken question in his eyes.

Kisame scowled.

"Fine."

\- o -

_A few minutes later…_

Kisame knew they made a strange procession. The Hyuga kid leading the way (and glancing back suspiciously every few seconds), followed by Tenten who was asking Itachi the occasional question and getting monosyllabic answers in return, followed by Kisame who was carrying the still unconscious – and now starting to drool, ugh! – Gai over his back, and finally Lee bringing up the rear.

"Mister?"

Kisame looked down at Lee in front of him, bouncing on the balls of his feet and looking like he had more energy than a genin had a right to.

"What?" he grunted.

Lee gave a deep, sharp bow.

"Even though you and your comrade won't tell us your names, I, Rock Lee of the Hidden Leaf, am most beholden to you both for saving us and our mission! And our sensei too! And I am sure I speak for both my teammates, Neji Hyuga and Tenten!"

Kisame blinked down at him and then looked at Itachi whose lips were pressed thin – mostly likely to hold back a smile – and then at Tenten who was shaking her head and going, "Oh, Lee!" and then at Neji who looked exasperated and embarrassed.

"You're welcome, Lee," said Itachi with a solemn voice although his eyes twinkled a bit when he glanced back at Kisame. "Right, partner?"

Kisame glared at him and shifted Gai on his back, hoping Samehada would take a bite out of him.

"Sure," he drawled. "Can we pick up a pace a bit?"

They started walking again, but to Kisame's annoyance, Lee insisted on staying by his side.

"Since you are burdened with carrying our sensei, I shall endeavour to lighten your load by reciting some of his most notable challenges with his number one rival, Kakashi Hatake!"

"What? No, don't-"

"Do you know Gai-sensei once challenged Kakashi-sensei to a dango eating contest? Between them, they polished off a total of…"

Kisame uttered a string of curses in his mind and glared at Itachi's straight back. He could swear his  _partner_  was laughing at him.

\- Chapter End -

 **A/N:** Thank you for reading! One more team left to rescue, please leave a review :)


	6. Rescuing Team 8

**Author Notes:**  Hello everyone and thank you again for your wonderful feedback! Enjoy the next chapter :)

**General Warnings:**  Crack. Some OOCness. A couple of spoilers for the Akatsuki members, but nothing really earth shattering.

**Chapter Warning:** Fighting scenes are not my forte so please don't expect too much. There will be a bit of violence though.

**Rating:**  'T'

**Disclaimer:**  Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

\- Chapter Start –

Pein and Konan reached the Land of Waterfalls and made their way to the place depicted on the hand drawn map attached to their mission scroll.

"Almost there now," Pein remarked.

"Yes. Good thing this place isn't too far from our hideout," Konan replied. It was still near enough for Nagato to control Pein's body.

They walked through a forest, following the increasingly loud sound of rushing water until they came to the edge of a steep cliff. In front of them was a magnificent waterfall, water falling from a height of a hundred feet, creating a thunderous sound. Further back were several smaller waterfalls, all of them feeding into a single river that flowed adjacent to the cliff.

Standing on the riverbank closest to Pein and Konan were three young ninja in battle ready stances and a small white dog. There was an unconscious figure on the ground behind them. On the other side of the river were two adults whose headband protectors identified them as rogue Iwa ninja. Another figure lay on the ground beside them, crawling with insects.

"Give it up already!" shouted one of the Iwa nin. "Your sensei defeated our leader, but now she's down too. Just give us the golden statue, that's all we want."

"Never!" yelled the genin with the dog which started barking immediately. "Yeah, you tell 'em, Akamaru!"

The genin in sunglasses thrust out his arms, causing two swarms of insects to fly out from his coat sleeves.

"Like that'll work the second time!" jeered the first Iwa nin.

"Earth style: Rock Shield!" His teammate formed several swift hand seals and slammed a palm on the ground. A stone wall shot up in front of them, shielding them from the insects.

Without a word, Pein and Konan leaped down beside the three genin, startling them.

"Hey, who're you two?"

Konan raised her arms and a flurry of paper squares appeared before her, folding into sharp missiles. She sent them flying across the river, slamming into the wall and smashing it.

"What the-!"

"Earth Release: Rock Throw Technique!"

A dozen stones flew up from the riverbank and shot across towards Konan. Unfazed, she blew them aside with wind and countered with half a dozen more blades. The two Iwa nin went down, bleeding from their eyes, neck and chest.

The fight was over in less than two minutes. Pein and Konan went over to the three genin who were huddled beside the unconscious figure, a kunoichi with long wavy black hair.

"Is she your leader?"

"Yes, ma'am," replied the female genin, blushing at being spoken to. Her voice could hardly be heard over the waterfall. "I am Hinata Hyuga, and these are my teammates, Shino Aburame and Kiba Inuzuka. Our sensei is Kurenai Yuhi."

Konan nodded, noting the Leaf forehead protector on all three genin.

"Who are you two?" asked Shino warily. "How did you-"

"That was so cool, the way you took 'em down!" interrupted Kiba, beaming. Akamaru barked his agreement, now half hidden inside Kiba's coat.

"Are you here to rescue us?" Hinata asked.

"Never mind who we are, thank you, and yes, we are here to rescue you," Konan replied. "Now, let me take a look at your sensei."

Pein and the two male genin retreated a few feet away as Konan checked Kurenai's injuries. She generated healing chakra around the fractured ribs and broken arm, and then bandaged up both torso and arm with paper bandages.

"Are you a medical ninja?" Hinata asked timidly. She was squatting down beside Konan, looking on with wide eyes.

Konan shook her head, her movements swift and precise.

"Not by profession, but I've had to look after two very dear friends since I was young."

Hinata glanced over her shoulder at Pein who had his hands folded across his chest, ignoring Kiba's excited questions and Shino's probing ones.

"Is he one of them?" she asked.

Konan didn't glance up.

"Yes."

"Where's the other?"

Konan's hands stilled, wondering how would one explain that although it was Yahiko who had died, it was his body people saw as Pein, and not Nagato who was still alive.

"It's... complicated," she finally said. "But we lost our other friend when he tried to protect us."

_I still miss you after all this time, Yahiko._

Hinata's eyes widened and her mouth formed an 'o' of dismay.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!"

Konan blinked and shook her head.

"It was a long time ago. There, your sensei's condition is stabilised."

She smoothed the last piece of paper on Kurenai's arm into place and stood up, looking over at Pein who came over with the other two.

"We can leave now." she said.

"And we mustn't forget this golden statue." Shino went to retrieve a sack and peered into it. "Why? Because returning it to its rightful owner the purpose of our mission."

\- o -

_A few minutes later…_

Konan knew they made a strange procession. Shino leading the way (and glancing back suspiciously every few seconds), followed by Pein and Kiba who was still bombarding Pein with a dozen questions (his name, his clan, his village, his eyes, those strange piercings around his nose, etc.), followed by the unconscious figure of Kurenai who was floating in a paper stretcher and then Konan herself and Hinata.

"Ma'am?"

Konan looked down at Hinata who seemed to be blushing each time she spoke.

"What?"

Hinata's blush spread and intensified until Konan wondered if she would end up levitating two kunoichi instead of one.

"I... uhm... I too, have someone very... dear to me, that I would like to protect. But..."

"But what?"

"Father says I am too weak to protect anyone. He says that even though I am his firstborn, I have brought shame to our clan."

Hinata bowed her head, but Konan could hear the tears in her voice.

"Whereas Nar - uhm, the person I admire trains so hard everyday, I... I feel so useless by comparison! I don't know  _how_  I can protect him!"

When Hinata looked up, her expression anguished, Konan found herself placing a gentle hand on her head.

"Then you will have to train just as hard and not give up. I am sure that one day, you will be able to protect him from a powerful enemy, at a time when he can't do it himself."

Hinata inhaled sharply at that and then her eyes shone like stars. She beamed at Konan, shyness forgotten for now.

"Oh, I will! Thank you, ma'am, I promise I'll get stronger!"

Konan nodded and felt a pang in her heart when a small hand crept into hers and held on tightly.

\- Chapter End -

**A/N:** Thank you for reading! The Akatsuki will regroup in the next chapter., please leave a review :)


	7. The Akatsuki Regroups

**Author Notes:**  Hello everyone, enjoy the next chapter :)

**General Warnings:**  Crack. Some OOCness. A couple of spoilers for the Akatsuki members, but nothing really earth shattering.

**Rating:**  'T'

**Disclaimer:**  Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

\- Chapter Start -

Hidan and Kakuzu were the first to arrive at the rendezvous point which - surprise, surprise! - turned out to be one of the Leaf's outpost stations.

They were greeted by Leaf Anbu who lost no time in separating the rescuers from the rescuees. Sarutobi was lifted from Kakuzu's back and onto a stretcher and then he and the genin were spirited away for 'medical attention'.

It was carried out so swiftly that Hidan and Kakuzu barely had time to acknowledge Shikamaru's nod of thanks, Ino's limpid eyed smile, and Choji's shy wave before the genin were out of sight. The two Akatsuki were then ushered down a hall to a waiting room and told that someone would be with them shortly.

The room was windowless and empty save for a table laid out with food and drink, and chairs around it. They were invited to help themselves to the refreshments while they waited, but neither Akatsuki missed the fact that they had been locked in.

Hidan switched off his charm, threw himself into a chair and started grousing about how long they would have to wait. Ignoring him, Kakuzu poured himself a glass of ice water. The chips - how on earth had that Akimichi kid stashed half a dozen packets on his person? - had made him very thirsty.

\- o -

The next team to arrive at the outpost were Deidara and Sasori. They too were relieved of their rescuees in the blink of an eye. Hatake was whisked from Hiroko's back, placed on a stretcher and wheeled off by an Anbu nin while another ushered the three genin in the same direction. Sasuke and Sakura gave their rescuers brief nods of thanks, but Naruto turned around despite the Anbu's restraining hands.

"Hey, thanks a lot for rescuing us, misters! I hope we meet again soon, you know?"

Deidara managed a grin and a quick wave before the genin disappeared around the corner. Another Anbu then led him and Sasori down a hall, telling them that someone would be with them shortly.

\- o -

A few minutes later, Itachi and Kisame turned up at the outpost with their rescuees in tow. They were all thankful, Kisame most of all as he was finally freed of his burden (Gai was neither short nor light) as well as the neverending recounting of the most idiotic competitions he had ever heard of (no thanks to Lee's inexhaustible supply).

Gai was placed on a stretcher and then he and the genin were hurried away. Neji and Tenten managed brief bows of thanks, their ears still red from Lee's unintentional destruction of Hatake and Gai's otherwise sterling reputations.

"Once again, my deepest thanks for bringing Gai-sensei and us to safety! I am sure Gai-sensei would want to thank you both in person so I hope our paths cross again! In fact, I shall infom him..."

Kisame glared sideways at Itachi - whose shoulders were visibly trembling - as they were ushered down the hall in the opposite direction and Lee's voice soon faded away.

\- o -

Konan and Pein were the last group to arrive at the outpost due to Konan having to help Nagato keep within range of the chakra receivers they wore.

As soon as they arrived, waiting Leaf Anbu transferred Kurenai onto another stretcher and took charge of the three genin. Shino and Kiba thanked their rescuers, the latter looking put out that none of his questions were answered. Akamaru added a polite woof. Hinata gave a deep bow and a heartfelt 'Thank you so much, ma'am' to Konan before she and her teammates were hurried off.

Konan and Pein were led down a hall in the opposite direction and shown into a room. They entered to find the rest of the Akatsuki there, sitting around a table and eating, milling about or in Kakuzu's case, pacing up and down.

"About time," Kakuzu growled as soon as he saw them. "Do you realise what's happened?"

"We've been played for fools," Hidan added in a pleasant voice with a sly glance at his partner.

"The injured jounin I rescued is none other than Asuma Sarutobi!" Kakuzu's light green eyes glowed.

"We've been helping the Leaf Village all along," Deidara observed.

"Even though the missions were issued separately," Sasori added.

"... member of the Guardian Shinobi Twelve!"

"I'm glad you two are here," said Itachi mildly, reaching for another stick of dango. There was a pile of used sticks by his plate.

"... worth thirty five million Ryo!"

"They didn't serve seafood," Kisame complained, snatching the last stick of dango from Deidara and placing it on Itachi's plate. "Can we leave now?"

"Is anyone listening?! Thirty five million Ryo!"

As Kakuzu's irate voice bounced off the walls, Konan and Pein exchanged a grim look.

"Let's go," Pein said.

As one, they all rushed for the door. It was locked again.

"Stand back!"

Everyone hastily stepped back as Kakuzu aimed a fireball at the door and blasted it right off its hinges. Coughing in the resultant smoke - except for Sasori - all eight of them rushed out of the room and down the hall.

\- o -

The outpost station was empty.

Deserted.

Desolate.

Devoid of life.

"Do you think they knew who we are?" Konan asked as they gathered in the entrance hall after a quick search of the place.

Pein shook his head.

"The Leaf's Hokage is one of the legendary sannin, a shrewd kunoichi. She knew the jounin and Leaf headbands would be recognised straight off."

"Well, we all know where they're headed, don't we?" Kakuzu demanded.

Pein looked around at the other expectant faces and nodded.

"Yes, we do. Let's go."

\- o -

It was Itachi who stumbled first, prompting Kisame to grab his arm.

"Are you alright?"

Itachi nodded slowly.

"I feel dizzy."

Next was Deidara who groaned and put a hand to his head.

"Me too."

Hidan walked, swaying, towards the nearest tree and leaned against it, blinking hard.

"What in Jashin's name? I'm seeing double," he muttered.

As Kakuzu glared at him, Pein turned to the others.

"How do the rest of you feel?"

"I can go on," Kakuzu gritted out at once.

"Kisame?" Pein prompted.

"I'm fine," Kisame replied, sliding an arm around Itachi's waist. "I didn't eat or drink anything back there."

"Neither did I," said Sasori as Deidara leaned heavily against Hiroko's back.

Konan and Pein exchanged another look as Hidan gave a mirthless chuckle.

"It would appear the refreshments we were offered were tampered with," he said.

"Poisoned?! How dare they!" Kakuzu roared although he was a master at creating poisons.

"My guess is some sort of... chemical... to slow us down," Itachi suggested. "Another precaution."

"Well, no way are we losing out on that bounty," Kakuzu growled and hauled a protesting Hidan upright. "They can't have gotten far."

With dogged footsteps, sheer determination and some protest, the eight Akatsuki members continued in the direction of the Leaf Village.

\- Chapter End -

**A/N:** Thank you for reading! The next chapter is the final one, please leave a review :)


	8. An Unexpected Decision

**Author Notes:**  Hello everyone and enjoy the final chapter :)

 **General Warnings:**  Crack. Some OOCness. A couple of spoilers for the Akatsuki members, but nothing really earth shattering.

 **Rating:**  'T'

 **Disclaimer:**  Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

\- Chapter Start -

When Team Ten set out on their latest mission to the Land of Rice Paddies, Shikamaru Nara never expected to return to the Leaf Village accompanied by the Anbu and Asuma-sensei on a stretcher. Just like he never expected to be rescued by two unidentified ninja who were powerful enough to dispose of their enemy in minutes.

While Ino was enamoured of the grey haired ninja with the three bladed scythe, and Choji shared chips with the other ninja, Shikamaru's senses screamed  _danger_  to him the entire time. He was sure he hadn't imagined the shock on the second ninja's face the moment he caught sight of Asuma-sensei... followed by a swiftly hidden interest. It wasn't until they reached the Leaf outpost and were received by the Anbu that Shikamaru breathed a little easier.

As Ino cooed and Choji munched during the journey there, Shikamaru spent his time coming up with plan after plan to put into action in case their rescuers turned out to be the opposite. None seemed viable seeing as how ruthless those two were, but thankfully, he didn't have to find out. It was still time well spent, no matter how troublesome.

\- o -

When Team Seven set out on their latest mission to the Land of Birds, Sasuke Uchiha never expected to return to the Leaf Village accompanied by the Anbu and with Kakashi-sensei on a stretcher. Just like he never expected to be rescued by two unidentified ninja who were powerful enough to dispose of their enemy in minutes.

While Sakura remained neutral and Naruto tried his best to - of all the idiotic things! - make friends with the blond ponytailed ninja, Sasuke's senses screamed  _danger_  to him the entire time. He hadn't been taken in by those smiles even for a second and kept all his senses on high alert, stopping just short of activating his Sharingan. It wasn't until they reached the Leaf outpost and were received by the Anbu that he breathed a little easier.

\- o -

When Team Gai set out on their latest mission to the Land of Rivers, Neji Hyuga never expected to return to the Leaf Village accompanied by the Anbu and with Gai-sensei on a stretcher. Just like he never expected to be rescued by two unidentified ninja who were powerful enough to dispose of their enemy in minutes.

While Tenten tried to be polite with one of them and Lee severely taxed the patience of the other, Neji's senses screamed  _danger_  to him the entire time. He had kept all his senses on high alert, stopping just short of activating his Byakugan. It wasn't until they reached the Leaf outpost and were received by the Anbu that he breathed a little easier.

\- o -

When Team Eight set out on their latest mission to the Land of Waterfalls, Shino Aburame never expected to return to the Leaf Village accompanied by the Anbu and with Kurenai-sensei on a stretcher. Just like he never expected to be rescued by two unidentified ninja who were powerful enough to dispose of their enemy in minutes.

While Kiba bombarded one of them with questions and Hinata confided in the other, Shino's senses had screamed  _danger_  to him the entire time. He had kept all his senses on high alert, worrying about what he would do if their rescuers turned on them instead. It wasn't until they reached the Leaf outpost and were received by the Anbu that he breathed a little easier.

\- o -

By the time the Akatsuki caught up with their runaway rescuees, those who had ingested the refreshments at the outpost were feeling better. The symptoms had lessened after a couple of hours, allowing them to travel at their usual speed once more.

They stopped on a small hill which afforded a good view of the Leaf Village's main entrance some sixty feet away, just in time to see four stretchers disappearing inside the gates, followed by a dozen children escorted by Leaf Anbu. A couple of shinobi milled about, keeping a sharp lookout.

"We made it, hm," Deidara remarked, sounding a bit surprised.

"What're we waiting for?" Kakuzu barked. "That's thirty five million Ryo slipping through our fingers!"

There was an expectant silence until Pein shook his head.

"We haven't been paid yet," he reminded them.

Hidan was inspecting a fingernail, his expression neutral. Kisame and Sasori just shrugged. Deidara was staring at the group of genin, frowning with his lips pursed. Itachi was staring too, hands tightly clenched. Konan had a strangely wistful look on her face.

A few seconds later, everyone had been ushered inside except for two shinobi who started to pull the gates closed.

Kakuzu made a strangled noise which almost drowned out the sound of someone clearing their throat. Everyone turned to see Zetsu's head emerging from the ground.

"The eighty thousand Ryo has just been collected," he announced. "Mission, or missions, accomplished."

Everyone swung back to Pein, their faces expectant, tense or merely curious. Pein turned back to the village entrance where the massive gates were almost fully closed.

There was still time, of course. It would only take a couple of seconds to  _shunshin_  there, even less time to knock those two out... yet something held him back from giving the command.

The precious few seconds ticked past and the gates finally closed with a loud echoing thud, followed by the sounds of boards being placed across from the inside, locking them up tight. They had lost their chance.

Pein turned back to the others.

"It is time we went home," he said calmly. "Kakuzu, make sure the money is added to our funds."

Kakuzu snorted in disgust. Grinning, Hidan reached out to clap him on the shoulder. Just as they all turned to leave, they heard a familiar sound, followed by several more. They spun around and stared as one of the gates was pushed open, just enough for a figure to slip through and then another - the same two shinobi who had closed the gates not a minute ago.

"Kotetsu, you're gonna get us in trouble!" complained the second one, looking around frantically. "Get back inside!"

"I  _will_  be in trouble if I lose another headband, Izumo! Ahh, there it is!"

As Kotetsu darted forward and picked up something off the ground, the Akatsuki exchanged startled looks. Through no intervention of their own, they had been given a second chance to storm the Leaf Village.

Pein looked around at everyone.

"Let's go!" Kakuzu stepped forward, light green eyes gleaming.

But he was the only one.

"Ah well, Jashin's been appeased for today," Hidan said.

"I'm uh... out of exploding clay," Deidara said even though everyone knew he never left for a mission without two full pouches of it.

"And I'm out of oil for my joints. They're... squeaking," Sasori said. His tail flexed without making a sound.

"I've exhausted my Sharingan," Itachi offered.

"Samehada's full," Kisame added, ignoring the protesting growl from his sword.

"I'm out of paper," Konan said without batting an eye.

As Kakuzu stared at all of them in shocked disbelief, Kotetsu and Izumo slipped back inside and closed the gate once more, heavy thuds sounding from the inside.

A strained silence descended upon the Akatsuki until Pein sighed and turned around.

"Right. Let's go home," he said and led the way, Konan falling into step beside him and the others following.

The silence grew heavier and more stilted until-

"I'm fed up of Sasori's view on art. He doesn't get it at all," Deidara complained. "Kisame, let's pair up for the next mission, hm."

"What?" Kisame barked at once. "No way, I only want Itachi!"

The startled silence was followed by Hidan howling with laughter and Deidara snickering loudly.

"I don't want anyone," Itachi said after a moment, cheeks turning faintly pink.

"I didn't mean it like that," Kisame protested. "Itachi, you know what I meant, right? We're a team. Partners!"

"Sure," Hidan was still chuckling. "Never knew you had a thing for-"

"Shut the hell up or I'll kill you!"

As Deidara added his own remark which made Kisame vow to kill him next, Pein and Konan shared a look and a shrug.

It really wasn't the right time to attack the Leaf Village, but they had eighty thousand Ryo now... and they had the Akatsuki. A motley bunch of S-class shinobi who were, for better or worse, their family.

\- o -

_A few minutes later..._

Tsunade was staring out the window of her office, but turned around at the knock on the door.

"Come in," she called.

The door opened to reveal Shizune standing there.

"Teams Seven, Eight, Ten and Gai have all returned safely, milady. Asuma Sarutobi, Kakashi Hatake, Maito Gai and Kurenai Yuhi have been taken to the hospital. Their conditions are stable. All twelve genin only have minor scrapes and bruises."

"Thank you, Shizune," Tsunade replied. "I want reports from all four jounin-sensei as soon as they're awake... and from the Anbu Captains who were involved too."

"Yes, milady," Shizune replied and left.

Tsunade swiveled around to face the window again, frowning thoughtfully. She had already received a report by messenger hawk from the Leaf outpost an hour ago with a description of the eight ninja who had delivered the four teams there.

What she couldn't figure out was why the Akatsuki hadn't stormed the Leaf Village when they knew four of their jounin were incapacitated, and Asuma and Kakashi both had huge bounties on their heads.

Her frown deepened. It couldn't have anything to do with the genin who were involved, could it?

THE END

 **A/N:**  Thank you to everyone who read, favourited and followed and an extra big thank you to everyone who reviewed. Reviews are love :) My muse wanted to drag me down The Long and Rocky Road of Angst at the end, but I held her back. This is supposed to be a crackfic after all :)


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